RIP Garfield

It was a terrible night. Steve, Tom and Cassie all gathered around at approximately 2AM to dig a shallow hole and bury the first Mr. meow meow to come into our crackhouse lives. He was found deceased at appx. 1:45am that morning, leading witnesses to believe they had no idea what happened, but that they were sad. Many a drink were poured into the street for this homie, and may his little bro-hams live on in our basement.

kitchen, kitchen, cracKitchen.

Alright kitchen fans, today we here at the crackhouse are going to teach you how to destroy and (mostly) rehab your kitchen, without even addressing the massive structural issues that may or may not be occurring directly under your feet!

First and foremost, start by popping that shirt off. Perfect; next, smash everything you see and make a huge pile in your yard. Finally, rent a dumpster with which your neighbors can shamelessly dispose of their old soiled mattresses in.





Alright, now you've gotten all that pesky 50's era crackheaded kitchen material out of the way, we can move on to posing for totally sweet pictures. Cue Steve....



How and or why is Steve dual wielding a power drill and a drywall saw? That's like, only +2 strength and +1 regenerative powers. At least equip the level of justice, that's +5 accuracy in itself.

If you'll look to your right, you'll see that Tom's butt looks especially good here. And Bill has seemingly just realized he is tired of working on other people's houses.











We, as a society, can put a man on the moon, but can not create an insulation which does not itch, burn and be all around bright pink.

To our left, Tom and Bill a carefully consider the perfectly framed box to cover the drainpipe from the wobbly toilet upstairs. More on that later.

Later is now. So one day, Bill and Tom took a lot of time and made a lot of noise while constructing this totally awesome box. Cassie and Steve proclaimed "That box sucks!" However, note below, the proof is in the pudding. Bill and Tom = master carpenters practically almost.

Here we seemingly have Tom dry humping Alex's head, while Steve looks on with approval and admiration. What is it about working on a house that brings that kind of stuff out in a bunch of totally butch dudes?

Also, please take note of Tom's popping calf muscle. That large sheet of drywall may have almost fallen on Alex's dryhumped head, but if Jersey Shore has taught us anything, it is that flexing on camera trumps all other truths.

Make a mental note of this picture here. Otherwise, this a fairly common occurrence in the crackhouse; The men, hard at work on constructing a masterpiece of pure beauty, while Cassie looks on in disgust and anger, awaiting the opportunity to bake up some delicious muffins or rock some fruit smoothies. Although, Cas was about an entire bottle of wine deep and discussing with Steve the non-existence of the "toilet paper fairy" by the time at which this picture was taken.

It's raining men, crack, and lots of drywall dust as Tom, Bill and Steve engage in the always extremely homosexual dance of installing drywall on a 12' ceiling without a jack.

Who is this chick in the blue shirt, why is she in the crackhouse, and damn does her butt look good. No really though, I sweat a bunch, and my legs get hot...catfeesh?

Here we have Steve meticulously putting a drywall screw directly into the cold water pex line by the look of it, and the humble beginnings of a tiled floor in a cracked house.

Counters, sink, cabinets, yeah. Only a few cabinets, or two, so a couple cabinets, almost fell down within a week. Totally legit now. Also Tom doing some grouting somewhere in there.

Alright, remember that mental note we made a few pictures ago? Take the lead on scrolling back up and comparing these ever so comparable siblings.

Then to our right we have a pretty damn moderately semi professionally done tile floor.

Finally, we have what has, is, or will become the finished product until spring, as no one feels like mudding or painting.

Yeah, there's some recessed lighting in there, and yes, that immensely-semi dangerous light hanging by the hot and return lines will be the future home of a ceiling fan.

Those switches may not look like much, but behind them there is a pile of romex so big it would make your head spin. But basically, no pulling no chains for any ceiling lights or fan.

crackitchen. woah. represent.